The truth hurts

Sometimes the funny hurts a little bit.

Thanks to DB and SA

WaMu

Man, I wish my company did this poorly last year, I could use a couple extra bucks.

This week’s episode of American Smart-Ass

Three (slightly inane and overly critical) comments regarding the malfunctioning elevator at work:

1. As long as there is more than one elevator, you don’t really need the ‘Out of Service’ sign. By its very nature, it’s inoperative state forces us to use the next car.

2. While I might be convinced to concede the logic of the ‘Out of Service’ sign, the second part is absolutely unnecessary. I have no choice, I have to use the next car. Sure, it would be awesome if we had a fire pole or a rope ladder but I’m really kinda stuck with whatever shows up when I press the down button.

3. And finally, we don’t really need further notice when the elevator works is fixed. I press the button; the door opens, I’m going to assume the car works.

Vietnamese Soup

Lunch conversation with Denny at my desk:

Me: “What about Kurt? Is he coming.”
Denny: “No, he’s going for Pho, but I don’t want to stand in that queue.”
Me: “Huh? (pause) Oh (Laughing). The Pho-queue.”

Clever, clever Denny

St Patrick’s Day

One of the HR ladies just came by my desk and dropped off a couple of St Patrick’s Day trinkets. There’s a green bubble blowing thingy and a green fortune cookie.

I appreciate the sentiment but I have a couple of issues (don’t I always?).

1. The fortune from my cookie said, ‘Irish for a Day’. No matter how you spin it, that’s not a fortune. If you give me a fortune cookie, it better have a fortune.

2. I’m a big fan of Multiculturalism, but St Patrick’s Day Fortune Cookies? I don’t know a ton about Irish history but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve a lot of Chinese cuisine. Maybe a bag of Green Potato Chips, but Fortune Cookies? Or what about a nice cold pint of Guiness?

Adios

I’m going to miss my old job.

Great people, good location, nice atmosphere.

I definitely have my complaints but I’m thankful of the opportunity to work there, it’s been a hell of a run.

And I sure will miss my office.

And the views out of my window.

New Gig

I start a new job next Monday, March 12th.

I am going back to a company that I worked for when I first moved to Seattle. Last time around, I really liked the industry but I hated the company. After a year of long hours, late night phone calls and daily shouting matches, I finally decided to quit even though I didn’t have a new job.

But after that I did some consulting work with them that I really enjoyed. Then some friends and I started looking into ways to start our own company in a similar line of work. Things were moving along nicely when we hit a huge snag. The aforementioned company called in the lawyers and produced the Non-Compete agreements a few of the guys were still under. With barely enough money to get started, let alone fight a legal battle, we quickly caved. It’s a shame, we had a good amount of momentum.

Then about three months ago, I got an email from Dice.com.  Someone was asking for the details of my resume. I was a little shocked because I didn’t even realize my resume was active as I hadn’t been looking for jobs for almost two years.

I logged on to Dice and found it was my old company asking for my resume. I went ahead and released it thinking, “Well, that’ll entertain them”. The last time we’d spoken it had been via their attorney so I was relatively sure they wouldn’t be interested.

Well, they were.

In fact, they were really interested.

Long story short, I have a new job.

I’m kinda nervous because it’s a complex job that demands a lot. But I’m also excited. It’s a cool job, at least in terms of an IT job. I mean, it’s not cool like being a Lion Tamer, Stunt Pilot or Hand Model, but it’s still cool.

And maybe I’m a sucker for going back.

We’ll soon see.

Short-Timer’s Disease

I swore it wouldn’t happen to me.

I wasn’t going to be one of those people that totally bailed on their last week of work.

But I can’t help it. I can’t gather the requisite amount of focus. I have Short-Timers Disease.

I get into work late. The most pressing thing on my mind each day is where to have lunch. I delete emails without reading them because I know that they no longer pertain to me. I wander from cubicle to office to cubicle for the latest gossip. I make copies of my naked rear end when no one’s looking. I have Short-Timers.

Captivate Network

I was on my way up in the Elevator when the old Captivate Network captivated me again with yet another amazing piece of breaking news. Turns out there’s a new medical study out of Turkey that shows that drinking Peppermint Tea several times a week can affect Hirsutism in women.

Problem is, the doors opened at the Sixteenth Floor and I didn’t get a chance to read the entire ‘article’ to determine if the tea actually decreases or increases hair growth.

So now I’m wondering, for the sake of Michele and all our female friends, if I should throw out the Peppermint Tea that’s hanging out in the cabinet.

Damn you Captivate Network. Damn you.

Working with Slobs Part III

Well, they’ve really ratched it up this time. Audio and Video Surveillance!

Truth be told though, there was only one dirty dish in the sink when I snapped this picture. There also aren’t any cameras or microphones around either but who wants to quibble over details?